Pressed & Bound

It has been a few weeks, but it seems like we have totally forgotten about Haiku Thursdays! Well not any more, because here comes a steamy pile of haiku goodness the likes of which you seldom see.

Garret’s Haiku

Yes, Hardmode.org,
Charity plus games is great.
The nerds, they are BACK.

Multitasking, YES!
Folders, features, yay! But wait…
I have a first gen…

Plop plop plop plop plop,
The sounds of bare feet running.
Don’t be a sissy.

If there were no cats,
I would be able to put
my sheets on quicker.

Why do the lyrics
of any song I sing end
with “punch a baby?”

I had forgotten for a while that this page even existed because Google Buzz came out two days ago. Anyhow, on with the ancient Japanese poetry!

Garret’s Haiku

God damnit, Google.
You’ve made everything so good
and easy, like your mom.

At first Google wave,
Now Google Buzz is in town.
Next? Google Engulf.

Don’t get me wrong here.
I like Buzz. But we’re skirting
the edge of safety.

Soon my Google car
will drive me to Googlemart
for a Googlewich.

But no, fo’ realz ya’ll,
Check me out on the Googles.
I’m witty as hell.

What?! Haiku? Yes. BEGIN:

Garret’s Haiku

Hey, February,
thank you for eating up so
many syllables.

Dear Taylor A. Swift,
Christ girl, you can’t carry a
tune in a bucket.

I think I might start
karate soon. Cobra Kai
never dies; believe.

Why does Snoop Dog use
an umbrella? Wait for it…
Wait…wait…FO’DRIZZLE.

Dear Mass Effect 2,
Thanks for allowing me to
bang hot aliens.

Andrew’s Haiku

Gimme that Christian
side hug, unless of course you
have nice girl boobies.

I’m a rough rider.
We don’t fill up with Christ’s love.
Mostly, we use booze.

If you really want
to have strong karate, then
you will sweep the leg.

How does Diddy keep
his whites so white? You give up?
He uses bleotch.

Christian Side Hug haiku is referenced from this:

Curveball! Just to keep things interesting, this week’s Haiku Thursday is on Saturday.

Garret’s Haiku

Suck it, NBC.
Really, you’ve done a horrid
job. Please just stop it.

Conan O’brien,
You have been given the shaft.
It’s a bum deal, dude.

Dear Mr. Leno,
Everyone wants you to quit.
P.S. Suck it, Jay.

Bravo Sir Kimmel,
You have said the things needed.
The world gives you thanks.

In two weeks we’ll know
the devastation of all
this. I’m with CoCo!

Andrew’s Haiku

I forgot Thursday!
Crap, now I gotta think up
some witty poems.

Uh, what Garret said
up there goes double for me.
Jay Leno’s a twat.

Also, you should click
on that Jimmy Kimmel link–
both funny and apt.

One full week into the new decade and the world has yet to explode. We’ll just have to wait until 2012; I’m still counting on our Mayan friends to come through.

Garret’s Haikus

Laundry, oh laundry,
Why must I forget to do?
Carpenter jeans; yep.

No, not jeans made by
The Carpenters, but ones with the
lil’ hoop on the side.

I should just cut the
hoop out. No one will be the
wiser. ‘Cept Jesus.

Oh frozen wasteland,
In times passed you had the name
of “Oklahoma.”

I really do not
want this “3d” thing to take
off. Really, it sucks.

Andrew’s Haikus

This week, Andrew’s haiku are fortified with swears!

On Avatar in three-fucking-dee!

Avatar sucked, y’all.
Even in 3D, it’s just
FernGully in space.

Hopefully we can
go another fifteen years,
James Cameron free.

Christmas fucking rocked!

Assassin’s Creed 2
is so freaking beautiful,
plus sex and murder.

I can’t wait to crack
open Left 4 Dead 2 and
shatter zombie skulls!

Speaking of which, does
anyone want to play on
XBox Live sometime?

Volume 2 of the
Sandman omnibus surpasses
all expectations.

Jack Frost fucking kicked our fucking asses.

The blizzard of the
decade hit Oklahoma,
caught us all napping.

This week, some schools are
closed because “it’ll get cold!”
and I say, “Bitch, please.

Our politicians
are just earning the crucial
under-eighteen vote.”