Pressed & Bound

It has been a few weeks, but it seems like we have totally forgotten about Haiku Thursdays! Well not any more, because here comes a steamy pile of haiku goodness the likes of which you seldom see.

Garret’s Haiku

Yes, Hardmode.org,
Charity plus games is great.
The nerds, they are BACK.

Multitasking, YES!
Folders, features, yay! But wait…
I have a first gen…

Plop plop plop plop plop,
The sounds of bare feet running.
Don’t be a sissy.

If there were no cats,
I would be able to put
my sheets on quicker.

Why do the lyrics
of any song I sing end
with “punch a baby?”

I had forgotten for a while that this page even existed because Google Buzz came out two days ago. Anyhow, on with the ancient Japanese poetry!

Garret’s Haiku

God damnit, Google.
You’ve made everything so good
and easy, like your mom.

At first Google wave,
Now Google Buzz is in town.
Next? Google Engulf.

Don’t get me wrong here.
I like Buzz. But we’re skirting
the edge of safety.

Soon my Google car
will drive me to Googlemart
for a Googlewich.

But no, fo’ realz ya’ll,
Check me out on the Googles.
I’m witty as hell.

What?! Haiku? Yes. BEGIN:

Garret’s Haiku

Hey, February,
thank you for eating up so
many syllables.

Dear Taylor A. Swift,
Christ girl, you can’t carry a
tune in a bucket.

I think I might start
karate soon. Cobra Kai
never dies; believe.

Why does Snoop Dog use
an umbrella? Wait for it…
Wait…wait…FO’DRIZZLE.

Dear Mass Effect 2,
Thanks for allowing me to
bang hot aliens.

Andrew’s Haiku

Gimme that Christian
side hug, unless of course you
have nice girl boobies.

I’m a rough rider.
We don’t fill up with Christ’s love.
Mostly, we use booze.

If you really want
to have strong karate, then
you will sweep the leg.

How does Diddy keep
his whites so white? You give up?
He uses bleotch.

Christian Side Hug haiku is referenced from this:

Curveball! Just to keep things interesting, this week’s Haiku Thursday is on Saturday.

Garret’s Haiku

Suck it, NBC.
Really, you’ve done a horrid
job. Please just stop it.

Conan O’brien,
You have been given the shaft.
It’s a bum deal, dude.

Dear Mr. Leno,
Everyone wants you to quit.
P.S. Suck it, Jay.

Bravo Sir Kimmel,
You have said the things needed.
The world gives you thanks.

In two weeks we’ll know
the devastation of all
this. I’m with CoCo!

Andrew’s Haiku

I forgot Thursday!
Crap, now I gotta think up
some witty poems.

Uh, what Garret said
up there goes double for me.
Jay Leno’s a twat.

Also, you should click
on that Jimmy Kimmel link–
both funny and apt.

One full week into the new decade and the world has yet to explode. We’ll just have to wait until 2012; I’m still counting on our Mayan friends to come through.

Garret’s Haikus

Laundry, oh laundry,
Why must I forget to do?
Carpenter jeans; yep.

No, not jeans made by
The Carpenters, but ones with the
lil’ hoop on the side.

I should just cut the
hoop out. No one will be the
wiser. ‘Cept Jesus.

Oh frozen wasteland,
In times passed you had the name
of “Oklahoma.”

I really do not
want this “3d” thing to take
off. Really, it sucks.

Andrew’s Haikus

This week, Andrew’s haiku are fortified with swears!

On Avatar in three-fucking-dee!

Avatar sucked, y’all.
Even in 3D, it’s just
FernGully in space.

Hopefully we can
go another fifteen years,
James Cameron free.

Christmas fucking rocked!

Assassin’s Creed 2
is so freaking beautiful,
plus sex and murder.

I can’t wait to crack
open Left 4 Dead 2 and
shatter zombie skulls!

Speaking of which, does
anyone want to play on
XBox Live sometime?

Volume 2 of the
Sandman omnibus surpasses
all expectations.

Jack Frost fucking kicked our fucking asses.

The blizzard of the
decade hit Oklahoma,
caught us all napping.

This week, some schools are
closed because “it’ll get cold!”
and I say, “Bitch, please.

Our politicians
are just earning the crucial
under-eighteen vote.”

Well, folks, it’s been a long time coming, but 2009 will be over in about six hours, so this will officially be the last Haiku Thursday of the year! Let us begin:

Garret’s Haikus

In six hours we’ll see
if saying “twenty ten” is
better than “oh nine.”

I need to start a
business that sells glasses
that are the new year.

Wait, you sayin’ they
already make those? Damnit!
Fine, off to plan B.

Instead, I will bring
back the Taco Bell dog and
he’ll amaze us all!

Well, In the end, I
will probably not do a thing.
So: Happy New Year!

It’s another week, which means it’s another Haiku filled extravaganza. Gird yourself, because they’re comin’ atcha:

Garret’s Haikus

The title of this
post really doesn’t make sense.
But yeah, Surf Ninjas.

We have one more day,
The huge charity event
will rock your face off.

Must survive a week,
then Jesus will save the world!
Hippopotomus.

In Copenhagen,
they talk of saving the earth
while making much waste.

Roy Disney has died,
He will never see the skank
Miley will grow to.

Andrew’s Haikus

On a recent trip to Lowe’s

Guy at the hardware
said, “Hey, you’re doing the Snoopy
dance!” Well… he caught me.

Really, I was just
doing the Riddler’s sneak move
from Lego Batman.

Really, he should be
the embarassed one for not
knowing it on sight.

Oh, like no else does
video game moves at the
hardware store! Come on!

On Plasmapheresis

Today, I give blood.
They only want part of it.
I get the rest back.

When you give blood, you
get to be a hero, and
you get cookies, too.

The nice lady said
she would also give me a
beanie if I’m good.

A new hat and some
cookies for not all of my
blood? I believe so!

Tags: haiku thursday

It’s currently 20 degrees outside and the only thing we can do is curl up next to the fire and make haikus. Let’s do this.

Garret’s Haikus

Why is it so cold?
Hey, weather, you’re not my friend.
Seriously, stop.

Tire flat in the cold,
Gas station air pump no work,
Tsunami of rage.

So Maps3 passed, eh?
Now we will have a new park
for hobos to sleep.

Obama wins prize,
Goes and accepts the peace prize.
We just went to war.

Apple banana,
Pear. Grape. Apple banana,
Apple banana.

Yet again, we’re back with another installment of Haiku Thursday; THE ZANIEST HAIKU DAY OF THE WEEK.

Garret’s Haiku’s

Modern Warfare 2
You keep me entertained, though
teens call me a Jew.

Hey, NaNoWriMo
Thanks for making me feel like
a chump. Thanks a lot.

Turns out writing is
hard. Now to stop making fun
of that guy Dean Koontz.

November is here,
you wouldn’t really know cuz
Christmas is a jerk.

So the house passed a
health care bill? Woop, now to hear
Repubs bitch a lot.

 

We also forgot about all this last week. It’s a shame, because last Thursday was Guy Fawkes Night. In honor of the only domestic terrorist to get his own international holiday, here are some belated November 5th haiku.

Andrew’s Haiku’s

November 5 is
a day marked by explosions
and bonfire ‘taters.

V for Vendetta
makes Guy Fawkes Night sound like it
celebrates the man.

The celebration
actually recalls his
failure to make fire.

Down with the gub’ment!
Americans forget Guy
was just a papist.

And now one for Sesame Street.

Happy 40th,
you big, beautiful puppets
and number monsters!
 

From now on, Thursdays will be Haiku Thursdays. We’re tired of not having more 17 syllable phrases floating around. LET’S BEGIN:

Headache in the night,
Cat thinks it is time for play,
Cat lives outside now.

Sorry that was me,
Didn’t mean to punch your face,
It was in the way.

They’ll never honor
your bogus treaties, now! Watch
out,Tigerbot Hesh!

Have any that you’d like to add? Throw them in the comments!